Mercury Grand Marquis - Saving the Best for Last

And the Marquis stands alone. With the discontinuation of the Ford Crown Victoria in the consumer market, Mercury’s Grand Marquis is the last survivor in a family lineage that

Mercury Milan - Comes with a Great Pedigree

You may have noticed that the Mercury Sable was not only a bit geriatric, but was also a staple of the nation’s rental fleets. This fact has not slipped by the product planners at Mercury.

Mercury Mariner Hybrid — Going Green Gets Better

We were intrigued during a visit to New York City by the large number of Ford Escape Hybrid taxis plying the streets of Manhattan.

Mercury Milan Hybird - Mercury's Efficient Midsize

Three of my favorite mid-size cars are the Ford Fusion, Mercury Milan, and Lincoln MKZ that are all based on the excellent Mazda6 architecture. The same platform spawned

Mercury Mariner Premier

The Ford Escape has proven over nearly a decade of production to become one of the most popular compact SUVs of all time by combining tough style, spirited on-road performance,

Mercury Milan Hybrid

With the industry tightening belts and nameplates being retired left and right, it comes as a bit of a surprise to see that Mercury’s still around. That’s not to say that the brand has no right to live; thousands

Mercury Milan Hybrid

When we get a hybrid or other high-mileage vehicle to test drive we have a different goal than perhaps most automotive reviewers. We try to get the worst mileage possible driving with all our bad habits on display.

Mercury Milan Hybrid - Ticketeling Maxine's Milan Hybrid

I couldn’t help imagining what Maxine, the crotchety old crab who looks down from her funny little Shoebox Greetings cards in Hallmark shops, would drive. 

The crazy blue-haired hag can whip off quips in three-line blips while clarifying life’s lumps. She drops little gems like, “Taking a scenic route is a great idea if your idea of scenery is the back of a Winnebago doing 20 miles an hour.” I’ve driven the Natchez Trace Parkway and felt the same way. That granny-geezer is a gas!

Maxine would probably pinch a nickel until the buffalo pooped, bled, passed, and degraded into a flit of nasal dust. But, she sometimes shows signs of class. I think she would love the Mercury Milan Hybrid.

It wouldn’t hurt her in the least to get a facelift. Mercury designers had the same thoughts about their dear Milan, although it went in for a minor skin abrasion and not the whole flip-n-tuck. The sedan was already a Euro-style beauty with its satin silver waterfall grille, trapezoidal taillamps, and handsome alloy wheels. For 2010, it receives a bit of a touch up with rounder front clips, bolder chrome grille, chin spoiler, and small round foglamps. Moving fashion forward, there are also new wheels, spoiler, and taillamps, but most of the body remains unchanged. Think more of Sarah Jessica Parker than Joan Rivers.

“I have inner beauty…and I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it,” says Maxine. Milan Hybrids have their share of inner beauty and video to prove it. A cool LCD screen next to the speedometer “grows leaves” or takes them away to creatively show drivers how they are using energy. Rear sonar, parking cameras, and blind spot warnings employ more technology than three cynics could coddle. The technology is so cool that even Maxine’s dog Floyd would be standing at the door, nearly wetting himself, with keys in teeth. His master will step easy on the throttle to grow the most leaves.

There’s not enough power to get grandma’s bloomers in a wad, but she’ll have all she needs to scoot off to Florida for the winter while managing cash like Uncle Warren (Buffet, of course). Milan Hybrids sprint with a version of the Ford Escape Hybrid’s 2.5-litre four-cylinder Atkinson cycle engine, continuously variable transmission, and nickel-metal hydride batteries. Regenerative brakes and a more powerful motor allow the Milan Hybrid to drive up to 47 MPH on electricity alone, limiting gas consumption during city driving. Driven with geriatric slippers, range can touch 700 miles while demanding a gallon of fluids every 41 miles in the city or 36 highway miles. The meter hovered around 30-MPG during my drive that included city commutes and highway sprees. EasyFuel™ capless technology makes it so easy to fill up that even severely arthritic hands can handle it.

Interiors were updated with new-age Ford buttons and dials, available touch-screen controls for the navigation/climate/audio systems, thicker steering wheel, and digital dashboard with large center analog speedometer. Details like the seats and gear selector were enhanced with fancy French stitching to emulate the Milan’s upscale cousins at Lincoln. Hybrid models have a cool energy monitor function in the touch screen that shows what is being burned and replenished in real time – great for those who get giddy over counting their pennies and nickels.

Maxine may have to scale back the sarcasm for the Milan to understand her acid tone, but the car speaks with one of the most sophisticated infotainment systems rolling. Sync™, developed with Microsoft, hears voice-activated commands for the navigation and audio systems. Bluetooth connectivity lets drivers make hands free calls via their cell phone. Worried campers can even call up real time satellite weather to see if the daily bridge game or bell practice can go on as scheduled. All of these features add up to a mid-size entry-luxury car that gives owners a technological edge underneath and behind beautiful skin,
Even if you are looking at the backs of crawling Famlibagos, you’ll be getting fuel economy for Maxine to envy and hypermiling like a Wii game on the Milan’s LCD instrument display. Like Hallmark’s favorite hag, the Milan Hybrid is frugal, but brings joy and laughter by the mile.

Underneath it all, I’m sure she’s a sweetie – just like the Milan Hybrid. While I’d hate to bounce that woman’s scary mug in the morning, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Milan in my driveway. An as tested price of $33,735 makes the Milan a scary sight for the Toyota Camry Hybrid, Honda Insight, and Nissan Altima Hybrid. Somebody tell Maxine to hop off her shelf and get in the car.

Edsel’s Mercury Had A Good Run

By all accounts, Edsel Ford, son of cantankerous Henry, was a kind and decent man. His flair for auto design and modern consumer desires contrasted against his father’s dogged determination to give people more black Model Ts. 

Under Edsel’s direction, Lincolns became stunningly elegant. In 1939, he unveiled the Mercury 8, a medium-priced entry that took basic Ford mechanicals and dressed them with Lincoln Zephyr styling. A sticker of $916 pit it against Buick, Nash, Hudson, and DeSoto.

Seventy-one years later, Mercury faces a tougher world. On June 2, Ford announced it would discontinue Mercury by this fall. Ford is pursuing a line of global vehicles like the Fiesta, Focus, Fusion, and Taurus. These cars are upscale, beautiful, and endowed with driving dynamics that were foreign to Americans a generation ago. Lincoln moved slightly down market with the MKX and MKZ, invading Mercury’s space with refined tailoring. Mercury’s demise will open a gap for a Lincoln compact to compete against the Lexus CT200h, Audi A3, and upcoming Mercedes B-Class.

Mercury had a great run. The ’39 Mercury 8 sold 65,884 units in its very first year, proving there was a market for a Ford with more panache. The post-war 1949 models are icons of streetrodders with their sleek bodies, chopped tops, and slammed suspensions. Beautiful Montclairs, powerful Marauders, and generations of Cougars defined Ford’s middle brand. Grand Marquis, Mercury’s longest-running nameplate, was introduced in 1975 and is still a heavyweight of its class. Futuristic Sables defined the ‘80s. Mountaineer SUVs, Mariner crossovers, and Milan Hybrid sedans were all great, but never separated far enough from Mother Ford.

Today, Mercury accounts for 0.8% of Ford’s 16% U.S. market share with sales hovering around 90,000 units annually – fewer than most individual Ford models. Ford moved up in refinement while Lincoln pursued the younger and style-conscious buyers Mercury once attracted. Eliminating Mercury will allow executives to focus all of their energy on global Fords and potentially international Lincolns.

With Mercury and Lincoln, Edsel put Ford solidly on the path of becoming a full-line automaker that is the equal of any. He would have fit right in among the current team at Ford, including his grandson, Chairman Bill Ford, and CEO Alan Mulally. Unlike his father, Edsel had no problem with change when change was required. Mercury served its time, but its time has come. We’ll always have the memories.